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Fly Swatter

A police officer that kills a fly is a member of SWAT.

4th of July Flag

Some holidays also carry with them fire risks. With all of the fireworks and BBQ’s, 4th if July is a little bit of a red flag.


Q: Why was Dr. Frankenstein so buff?

A: He was a real body builder.


People who have trauma from converting Time Zones suffer from PSTD


Mistakes are what make us human.

…Missed Steaks are what make us vegetarian.

Math Problems

An exponent snuck up on me. Nearly squared me to death.

The Nun


Oregani – Folding a state into animal shapes.


My kid just came up to me with a basket ball and asked “Do you want to play pig?”

So I grounded him and told him to stop calling me that.

Mountain Goat Styles

Q: What do you call a mountain goat’s new hair cut?

A: A Mountain Do

Alternate Current Wars

Edison could never hit Tesla because his AC was too high.

Parkour Tournaments

Parkour tournaments are the best. The winner is also the runner up!

Absentee Ballot

I was missing a T-Shirt so I voted to get one. It was my Absent Tee Ballot.

Halloween Cake #1

It may look hard, but this October birthday surprise was a piece of cake.

Astro-not a good topic of conversation

You have to be careful what subjects you discuss. The astronaut mentioned an issue with the airlock and it sucked the air right out of the room.

I guess Clark Can’t

Q: Why doesn’t Superman like halloween?

A: He’s afraid to go to a crypt tonight.


LinkedIn Logs

A professional social media website for former presidents.

Bar Soap

Extra Vegetables

I am reluctant to buy extra vegetables in case of emergency, but I’ll buy asparagus.

Unsolicited Suggestions

I wrote a letter to a hot chocolate company about a great holiday commercial idea set in panama. Unfortunately in the response I saw Swiss Miss dismiss the Christmas isthmus.


The Mummy is the most self-centered monster. He’s all wrapped up in himself.

Meal Prep

I heard a good family activity was meal planning. Maybe we’ll have to go back to the drawing board.

Zoning Commission

I try not to interrupt zoning officials. They literally have a lot to talk about.

Leprechaun Trap


I always knew the Irish enjoyed getting hammered.

Happy Friday 13th

Why does Jason wear a mask?

To protect him from the corona virus.

Road Trip Food


If I wanted to get out of this housework, I’d have to make some sweeping changes.

4 Door Mustang

A 4 door Mustang is a foal sized vehicle.


I know people who are bipolar. I told them to buy Aquafina instead but so far it hasn’t helped.